Bluebird
by ilostmyhorse
Summary: I used to be your Songbird. That's what I was right? A Songbird? Now, I think I'm a Bluebird. I'm still in love with you, but I don't think you love me back anymore.


_First fic. I dunno, figured I'd give writing a shot. Just an idea I had while listening to the song Bluebird - Sara Bareilles. It seems like a song Santana could pull off. Listen while you read!_

_Can be considered AU or relatively cannon-ish? I dunno. Up to you as the reader._

_Youtube link: /watch?v=uMba8vsep9I_

_I don't own anything._

* * *

**Bluebird**

I came back.

I came back to fight for you. Win you back. Shower you in adoration and love and vow to never distance myself from you again,

physically or emotionally.

I am yours, wholly. Eternally.

I can still remember the last time you said you loved me.

I still remember the last time I did, too. This morning when I woke up.

So I came back to fight for your love.

It's funny though.

It's funny in that way that's actually not funny at all.

It's not funny.

Because even though I still remember the last time you said those words to me, I knew you meant it.

But I'm starting to feel like they are meaning less and less to you as each day passed.

That's why I came back,

Came home,

Home to you.

To help you remember. To help you remember what those words mean to you,

to help me remember that you mean them too.

But I just…

I don't know.

I felt uneasy.

Because even though I remember you said you love me,

I don't think you do.

Well, not any more.

I came back. I came home. To you.

But when I came home, you weren't there.

I came back, came home. But home wasn't there any more.

I felt uneasy.

I felt uneasy, because deep down I think I knew I wasn't welcome home these days.

Or maybe I'd overstayed my welcome.

That's probably why I ended up looking for all of your things in my room and packing them up in a box, and not professing my undying love to you.

Hurtful reminders.

I didn't want that though, to be packing up your things.

You don't even understand what it felt like when I saw you.

I was really…

You were just…

I couldn't even…

You are so…

Beautiful.

Radiant.

Happy.

In _like _with someone else.

I came back. I came home. Home to you.

You didn't know.

It was probably for the best.

I am in love with you.

But I'm not sure if you're in love with me anymore.

I set the box of your things on your front door step.

I rang the bell.

I heard voices.

Squeals of laughter.

Sounds of happiness.

It made me smile.

It broke my heart.

When you opened the door, you were shocked.

When you saw what was at my feet, I wouldn't meet your eye.

When you said my name, it sounded more like a stutter.

It sounded a bit like you were guilty.

What are you guilty for?

You said you are just friends and that it means nothing.

You were reassuring me.

But you weren't reassuring, reminding me, helping me to remember what I wanted you to.

What I needed you too.

You called my name again, soft like a whisper.

Because I wouldn't look into your eyes.

Instead, I gently nudged the box closer to your feet with my own.

Because if I had picked it up by the handles and passed it over to you, we'd run the risk of touching each other.

Skin to skin contact.

I don't know if I could handle that.

I hadn't said a word yet.

You stepped over the box, ignored it

You moved closer to me.

I stepped back.

You choked over my name.

You like him, I said to you.

You let two tears slip from the corner of each eye.

No, you insisted.

I told you I saw this coming.

You let more tears fall.

I told you I'd packed up all of your belongings.

You were crying my name then.

I tried to block it out.

You said no.

You said you are just friends.

You said that you are in lov-

I cut you off.

_In love with me_.

I smiled.

It was probably more of a grimace.

I said its fine.

I didn't let you finish that sentence.

You want to you know why?

Because I don't know if you mean it any more.

I don't want you to lie because it may not be true.

I did it to protect you.

I did it to protect myself.

I said it was fine.

But all honesty knows.

I wasn't ready.

And you knew that,

You _know _that I wasn't ready to give you up.

You know that was a lie.

You tried to take the steps between us.

I matched your strides in volume.

Backwards.

You said my name,

Begged, _please._

You reached out your hand.

I pulled mine behind my back.

You sobbed. You pleaded with your words.

I shook my head slowly.

Please, don't.

I finally looked at you.

I studied your face like it was the last time I'd see you.

It probably will be.

Each freckle,

Crease.

Each curve,

Pore.

I committed it all to memory.

I looked you right in the eye.

I held your stare.

You're home for me, you know.

I made sure you were listening to what I say.

Really listening before I told you.

Listening with both your ears,

And your heart.

I said to you, Goodbye, I love you.

Because I am.

I'm so in love with you.

So, Goodbye.

I love you.

* * *

I came back.

I love you.

I'm not sure if you love me back any more.

I am yours, infinitely.

I came home.

Home to you.

Home is you.

But I'm not sure where home is any more.

_Here we go, bluebird._

_Back to the sky on your own._

_Here we go, bluebird._

_Gather your strength and rise up._

_Let her go, bluebird._

_Ready to fly,_

_You and I,_

_Here we go._

_Here we go._

* * *

_**Hope you liked. **_

_**If you like this song, check out this cover. I think it's pretty sweet.**_

_**/watch?v=dQ1ciYvYR4Y**_

_**Cheers, big ears!**_


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